Dear Parent/Caregiver,

Here is what I would like to tell every new parent of a disabled/neurodivergent child entering the school system. I learned this the hard way. Hoping to pave a path so it’s easier for those who follow.

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You are going to be entering the school system and advocacy will be required.

How the school system responds to you, as a whole, is not personal. They are not peering into your soul and basing their response on what they see. Even if they really like you, it wont change their response. They will protect themselves no matter what, first.

School districts speak a different language. The language of liability. The language of ableism, racism, and patriarchy. They are assessing you based on risk. How risky of disruption or expensive are you going to be?

There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t done anything wrong. This is not your fault.

The lens through which they evaluate and come to a conclusion about your child is not your shame to carry. It is theirs.

You are dealing with a colonial system. This is a machine that has been operating for a very long time. The machine thinks it is successful and wants to keep going.

When people gaslight you, try to control you, ignore you, and/or silence you, this is an example of the colonial machine. The machine has different priorities. Stability, predictability, risk-management, union contracts, power and control, etc. If the system were a person, we would describe them as narcissistic using coercive control.

If you are someone who has experienced abuse and trauma, this will be especially triggering.

However you cope with this, it is not your shame to carry.

However you learn to navigate K-12 education, please don’t internalize their behaviour towards you as a reflection of your own value.

How they behave is a reflection of the machine, and it has nothing to do with you.

How the machine grinds and turns the wheels is not a reflection of all who personally works within it. There are fabulous caring people in education. Some people help grease the wheel more than others. Some are completely oblivious to it. Others just think, this is how things work and defend the system. If you are in the school system long enough, you will meet wolves in sheep clothing. Intentional or not.

Being able to identify what is a reflection of the machine, can save your mental health and protect your emotional capacity when you advocate.

This is a chess game. There are rules. Learn to play the chess game and it will help you advance. Get the most of what you can for your child and their education while staying afloat.

There is hope.

You will know when you are not getting what your child is entitled to, where to focus your energy, or when it is time to leave. Knowledge is power.

You belong to a community, whether you have found us yet or not. Your people are out there. There are more people advocating for your child than you may realize. Movement has been occurring. The machine doesn’t want you to recognize those. So, we remind ourselves.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker

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More blogs on the school system:

Liability in Education
School Emergencies
Understanding Systemic Change

Advocating for Systemic Change

There is a comedian out there who has a really smart and funny skit. “People will die for their country, but they wont do math for their country.” Dying for your country is easy, doing math is hard.

In concept, heading out into battle for your country is glamorous. People have statues built on their heroics and they get metals. It’s emotionally driven, and adrenaline pumping. Doing math, studying and consistently quietly working hard is unseen, and long term visionary thinking. Systemic change takes years. It takes doing “math” for your community. The building of relationships, the consistent unseen work, and sustainability over time. No statues. Maybe some people recognize your greatness, but it is generally uncongratulated work.

I want to talk about how to advocate for systemic change.

To place myself in this topic: I have a degree in Human Relations from Concordia University, Montreal. This is a degree in how people function in teams, families and organizations and how they can be healthy or toxic.

Friction in groups is very important for creativity and productivity. Every team will reach a conflict stage, and when managed well, teams of can be very successful. Having a diverse group of voices, lives experience and expertise is essential for fighting off groupthink. Which is a death sentence for teams that are connected to social policy.

There are open teams. Ones that allow feedback and the external environment to interact with it. Communication will flow in and out.

There are closed teams. Ones that build a wall and lock the doors. An example would be a cult.

It takes a long time to build successfully functioning teams. The most fundamental element to successful groups is TRUST. Firecracker groups start big and are full of energy, but explode and burn out.

Social change requires building credibility and trust with the community as a whole. It requires understanding how everyone is connected. The history of how we got here, what has historically worked and failed. We are all standing on the shoulders of giants who have paved paths for us. We learn from our history, how we have had success, failed, and pivoted. There is an element of risk in being willing to fall flat on your face and get back up and keep trying. Looking for the lessons. Listening to disabled voices in disability advocacy has always been key. Having a growth mindset, humility, integrity, a willingness to fail and keep going is a solid foundation for long term advocacy.

For a social movement, all established community groups need to come together and work together as ONE.

I am reposting my page on Understanding Systemic Change that I wrote years ago, originally on my Speaking Up BC website.



Let’s do “math” for our community and our children.



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Understanding Systemic Change

Some people when they advocate can reach a point when they are beyond frustrated, angry and bitter. Some people have decided to lash out at other people. The very people they are in the trenches with. They end up making it harder and more emotionally draining for parents who are advocating. I don’t think they realize the impact and how upsetting it is for other parents to hear their comments. Crabs in the bucket. My perception is that there is a lack of understanding of how human systems work, and how systemic change occurs and they are frustrated because how they think they should be able to make systemic change occur, isn’t occurring. The wider the gap between our expectations and reality, the more depressed or angry we will become.

I can’t fit everything in this blog about how human systems work, so for this blog I am going to focus on macro-level and micro-level aspects. Macro-level systems are the big ones. The government bodies that include hundreds and thousands of people. They are our political system, the structure of our economy, the structure from the Constitution of Canada and the impact on our system, democracy, our education systems with public schools, private schools, online schools etc. The large groups of multiple moving parts that involve many complex layers, and are maintained by many layers of legislation, policy, and guidelines. Think of many many gears all locked together. They are all moving. Wish to change one gear, and they will all be impacted. These systems have formal codes of conduct and contracts. Also, the unwritten social contracts and social rules that glues everyone together. These systems are tidal wave systems that do not get pushed off course unless something massive happens. I haven’t even mentioned the topic of power. That’s a whole other blog. Systems that are oppressive like to remain that way, unless it’s detrimental to themselves to not change.

Micro-level changes are things that happen on one-to-one individual levels. Individual social interactions. A 20-minute conversation is a micro-level interaction. This is when we advocate with our child’s teacher and they learn something new about ADHD and now they are adapting their teaching and accepting of movement breaks because they understand things differently.

Some people think, that if we only change this one law, or have this one human rights case, or if we change one piece of legislation then everything will be solved for all of the following generations.

I can promise you, if this is how you think, this is where your pain is because that will never happen. Change will never happen because of one person. Ever. We are dealing with way too many macro-level systems all connected and interacting with each other, AND we are dealing with way too many micro-level individual interactions of ableism and lack of information about disabilities. One person is not going to swoop in and solve it all. The education system provincially has hundreds of thousands of people working in these systems. There is not one solution. If we are waiting for a hero to ride in on a horse and save us all, we’ll be waiting for a very long time.

It takes teams. Plural. Many teams. And in our society, it is going to take multiple teams all working together with a common goal for a sustained period of time. These teams are going to have to cover ALL different areas and all different aspects of the multiple gears.

There are 4 elements to a social movement.

  1. There is a trigger event that inspires an intense reaction from the community
  2. ALL of the already established community groups come together and work together as ONE
  3. They have a common simple message that the public can understand. (Eg. Black Lives Matter)
  4. The advocacy of this one common message and connection of all of the groups needs to be for a long sustained period of time.
    .

That is a social movement.

Think of the women’s movement in the 70’s. We still have women’s issues today. But women entering the workforce was quite the shift that started it all off. The different professions women are working in today is because of that social movement.

We need to work at both a macro-level and a micro-level. Even if we had a piece of legislation change or a fantastic policy manual from the government we are still going to be dealing with the individual people who are ableists and want power over. Any change coming from the top down and they will figure out ways to get around it, ignore it, and we will still be struggling with the same shit.

It’s not that we just need to get EA standards and everything will change.

It’s not that we just need to get legislation changed.

It’s not that we just need this one class action human rights case.

We need everyone. We need ALL of it. It is all hands on deck. We need every disability organization, we need all parents, we need trustees, we need educators, we need PAC’s, we need unions, we need everyone working in their own corners advocating for accessibility and inclusion.

Anything less than that, and we will not be able to move the needle enough to notice change in this generation.

It takes a micro-level AND a macro-level response.

Social change, where people really feel that the needle moved, that is noticeable… usually takes 3 generations. But not always…

We are in a catch-22 when it comes to legislation changes. The government won’t enact legislation or funding commitments to items that they feel the majority of their constituents don’t want. Their goal is to get re-elected. If they don’t get re-elected they can’t pursue any of their goals. So, if the public doesn’t care about kids with disabilities and their access to an equitable education…. the government isn’t going to put a massive amount of money into that. They need to make their constituents happy. We also know that society is generally ableist. And oppressive. We are also dealing with evolutionary instincts. Humans are complex. We are a mix of beautifulness and survival instincts. When resources are tight, we want them for ourselves.

Everyone’s advocacy efforts are all part of the work. It all matters. Every single one of you. There is no one single solution or even one single group that is going to just fix everything in a couple of years. It takes massive amounts of people ALL advocating in our own corners. Micro-level and macro-level advocacy work. We can’t just change legislation. We need to change the hearts and minds of everyone to uphold and embrace the legislation even if it does change.

Having said all of this:”Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has” -Margaret Mead

Very true. It all starts somewhere. Seeds get planted by small groups that grow over time.

We need the wild risk takers who don’t follow the beaten path, to envision something more, to push past what has ever been done before, to create cracks in the system and allow new growth to occur.

If you are someone who is belittling other parents’ advocacy efforts. Telling them there is no point to any of their work, and that the system will never change. Which is actually impossible, because systems always change. They are maintained by people and society changes all the time. Please, and I say this with love in my heart. Please find counselling or keep your comments to yourself. The human rights process may have been a waste of some people, which I am truly sorry. The human rights system enforces the Human Rights Code and creates the Duty to Accommodate which is the strongest piece of advocacy tools that we have as parents, and those cases that advanced the Code were because of parents who sacrificed. You are not helping anyone by belittling all of parents’ advocacy and telling them there is no point. You are now the one making this worse for them. When you make statements telling people to give up, you are now oppressing them. I have zero tolerance for that.

This is a marathon. Not a sprint.

It’s a team sport. We all need to train individually but run together.

Let’s build each other up and be supportive.

Here are blogs on systemic change.

Systemic Imperfection
Policy – “soft policing”
Groupthink….Does it Exist in School Districts and on Boards of Education
What Does Ableism Look Like in Schools…It Looks Like This!
Who does Society care about?
Why Can’t we Just Sue the Government?
Families are Advocating – A Year in Review for HRT & OIPC and Media
“this family needed help beyond what I’m trained for” (para 58)
Systemic Impacts of Scarcity in Education

Systemic Imperfection

Our systems, organizations, politics, cities, committees, boards, non-profit organizations, and every other team effort is not perfect.

There are gaps and administrative unfairness in every single system. If you ever want to understand why our systems are the way they are, read policy books from Deborah Stone (Eg. Policy Paradox” The Art of Political Decision Making) and you’ll understand how strategic this is from a political point of view. The division of resources is certainly not by accident.

Then focus on the next layer: the individuals.

Humans also work on these teams and people make mistakes. We are not a perfect species by any measuring yardstick. We are flawed and we are constantly learning and growing. We have our own trauma, imperfect childhoods, different brain structures and chemical exchanges, different age development stages, different frameworks within how we see the world, and temporary feelings rising and falling in the mix of every single day. Throw in some egos, status, hierarchy, culture, gender expectations, and all social constructions into the constant movement of social interactions. It can be messy. Let’s say that. I am impressed we are able to communicate and work as well as we do.

If we wait for systems and people to be perfect before we enter them or interact with them, we will be dead before that ever happens.

Our external complaint systems are not perfect.

But, they are all we have.

If we stop engaging with them, filing complaints, we are screwed.

External complaint systems are the only source of outside eyes looking into the school system. They are the only hope at accountability and transparency. No one else has access. No other outside organizations can force them to hand over documents or force them testify. If the school districts didn’t know they existed and didn’t think parents would use them, it would be a free for all. They would be untouchable. I have seen what happens when school employees think they are untouchable. It’s bad.

There would be no OIPC for access to information. There would be no Ombudsperson connected to policy and fairness. There would be no regulatory body for teachers and teacher standards to use. We would have no way to enforce human rights and force schools to provide our kids support. No one to force them to have to justify their actions. No one else is watching. But parents are.

Is everyone’s complaint going to be successful? No. It’s not. There is common sense and then there is the limitations of law and process, with cut off dates and made up rules of trying to put a human experience into a box.

But this is how we push the line. This is how we create human rights law (BC HRT), school policy (through settlement agreements), consent resolutions (TRB complaints), orders (OIPC decisions), directions (Ombudsperson decisions and case summaries), that create tools for change. Parents can actually create these tools to pick at the system by their complaint filing and settlements.

Why on earth this immense responsibility for parents to be THE accountability system is BEYOND me.

So until the government system decides an alternative option to help us in this matter, we are on our own. (Some people think school trustees are this alternative option, but some parents feel that school trustees are just upholding the system and colluding with districts.) I don’t even know if school trustees see themselves as an accountability system to the public. Do they? I know some do… but as a whole?

Parents are powerful. The school system doesn’t want you to know this. They want you to be scared. Fearful of making decisions. Fearful of stepping out of line… and dare I say… being a trouble maker???

I don’t suggest to people that they kill a fly with a house and just start filing complaints over every issue. A lot of the time things can be resolved through internal advocacy going all the way up the chain. It’s more collaborative and can be quicker.

BUT.

If you feel like you are a hamster on a wheel and going absolutely no where. If you think they are not motivated to resolve the issues and are just using delay tactics.

Then something to keep in your back pocket….is the external complaint system.

As we navigate external complaint systems or contemplate entering them, a VERY important truth to understand is liability in education.

Every time we file a complaint, we create data. If government systems don’t hear from parents they think everything is hunky-dory. It also forces the schools to be transparent with these external complaint systems and be examined. If they feel like at any moment they are going to have to justify their decisions, they won’t feel like they can get away with stuff in the same way, right from the beginning.

Knowing that they may have to justify their decisions WITH EVIDENCE in front of the tribunal encourages them to want to limit their damage period.

Bellow are some of the decisions that parents have created through filing complaints. I have created a DECISIONS FOR ADVOCACY page under the Education Law tab. We can use these decisions in our advocacy if required. Click the button below.

Thank you parents/caregivers!! Inch by inch, we are making progress. Now we need to take these decisions and use them as our tools. For all of the areas that we still need decisions in, we still have work to do.