Tag: #Delay

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5 Rules on How to be Untouchable

(Or at least try to be…)

The school district and their lawyers are just waiting for you to do any of the following things listed below…literally sitting back, fingers crossed and waiting. They know what works. They do this all the time.

They can use your own decisions against you in multiple ways. Destroying your credibility at a hearing, filing a section 177 against you, getting your human rights complaint completely dismissed and with costs, shutting down complete communication with you, sending you a cease and desist letter or threatening a defamation lawsuit.

(And before we go any further, trust me, this blog is not from personal experience. For those of you who know which school district I am connected to, please don’t infer, none of these things have happened to me.)

This blog is from reading case law, newspaper articles, finding websites/YouTube videos of pissed-off parents and hearing their stories, hearing stories directly from other parents, and hearing through the grapevine ALLLLL of the multiple other stories floating around our community. This by the way is a national issue, not just a BC issue. So, if you are sitting in a small town in PEI, this stuff still applies.

To the people waiting for you to do any of these things… this is a chess game. It’s not a chess game to us, and its a hard pill to swollow just how strategic navigating the maze needs to be, but we need to realize that this is how its viewed by them. And we need to figure out what the rules are and follow them.

When we follow the rules, we are closer to being untouchable, and we can continue to advocate.

Here we go.

Rule #1 – Always be polite and respectful.

  1. Don’t be rude. Be polite and respectful. Always.
  • Losing your cool and sending in an email that is just blasting them, insulting them, threatening them, etc, etc. is an easy way for them to be all over you and be backed up by the tribunal and court system. This will open the door for them to file a dismissal and get your case dismissed and apply for costs, file a section 177 etc, etc. They are literally hoping you go this route and you make it really easy for them to control you. They can’t wait for this to happen.
  • Sending in your emails doesn’t need to align with exactly how you feel. Your emails need to be written with strategy in mind. Your intent can be to either to document what is happening with the purpose of gathering evidence, to communicate your child’s unmet needs in ways that they can’t claim hindsight later on and trigger meaningful inquiry, to be problem-solving to resolve the immediate issues at hand etc. But making yourself feel better to release the stress valve has the potential of undermining your advocacy and destroying the opportunity for the systemic changes that you are hoping for.
  • It’s a painful part of the advocacy process to think so strategically, but this skill is really really important. I think of it as, we need to become Cheetahs. Cheetahs are loving parents, and affectionate with their young. They are also the most extremely patient and strategic hunters. We need to be cheetahs for maximum efficiency. We can’t let our advocacy efforts be undermined and swept aside because we lose our shit. They will poke us and poke us and just wait for us to explode. We need to have other release values and when we interact with them, we are in cheetah mode.
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Rule #2 – No defamation, no naming

2. Don’t name or defame anyone on social media.

  • Defamation is a really easy hook to get you on. Defamation just needs to be said to one other person. It is ridiculous how fast they will jump on this.
    .

See news article below, click to read.

Mom threatened with legal action after questioning B.C. principal who’s now accused of misappropriation
2014 letter from school board lawyer warned against ‘defamatory statements’ about Tricia Rooney
  • That means on any social media site, in conversations with anyone else, you CAN’T name people. You are making yourself way too easy of a target.
  • I took a workshop on defamation. Here are my notes.
  • If you are in a heated battle with the school, keep your circle very small on who you let in. These need to be trusted people in your life. You can talk about your situation, just don’t name anyone.
  • Having fake social media accounts can be ways of interacting with support group FB accounts or posting anonymously can be a layer of protection that will aid in your untouchability.
  • Parents have had human rights cases dismissed and their social media posts were used against them.
  • Trust me, they troll your social media when you become a red flag to them.
  • You never know who is in a Facebook group. Just like it is easy for a parent to make a fake account to protect themselves, it’s easy for anyone to make a fake Facebook account. Facebook groups are public, not private.
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Rule #3 – Don’t share confidential information

3. Don’t post content on social media that has the words CONFIDENTIAL on it. This again opens you up to them being able to threaten you with legal action and having the ability to control you.

  • This includes anything from the government that is sent to you in a password protected file or simply has the words CONFIDENTIAL at the top.
  • And yes… this is how the system stays in control and keeps everything hidden. I know. If you want to present this information as evidence in a hearing, that’s a different story. Stuff that is hidden away under privacy laws can still be used as evidence at tribunal hearings and court proceedings. This again is about being strategic about what we do. Be the cheetah. Wait it out. If you play the chess game right, you’ll be able to present the evidence when you need to and maximize your efficiency.
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Rule #4 – Don’t protest

4. Do not protest a decision in a school by refusing to leave, or forcing your way into a classroom. Refusing to pick up your kid in the name of protest, I also don’t suggest. You are setting yourself up for a section 177 and you will be accused of not working in good faith with the school, you will not be following your duty to facilitate and your human rights complaint has the potential of being dismissed. If you refuse to pick up your child without good reason in the name of protesting, MFCD may be called.

  • Even if you adamantly disagree with the a decision that the school has made, they have the power to make those decisions whether you agree or not. It’s risky for them if they didn’t meaningfully consult with you, but the School Act and Supreme Court of Canada, do give them the power to make class placement decisions and reasonable accommodation decisions.
  • The only way to maintain your credibility and access to the school is to follow the internal and external complaint systems in a civil manner. I know, that they are the ones controlling the system and this isn’t going to be fair. Totally get it. It doesn’t matter. If you want to give them even more power and have them cut you off at the knees then behaving in a way that makes you non-compliant, or the staff don’t feel physically or psychologically safe around you will end up being a gift to them. It will be so easy for them to file a section 177. Next time you show up at the school the police will be called and you’ll be out the door so fast. Don’t do them any favors. Collect your evidence and nail them in due course. Patience.
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Rule #5 – Knowledge and your values are power

5. This rule isn’t a rule on not what to do, this is a rule on what to do. This will also help to make you feel personally untouchable.

  • Know your stuff. That means human rights law, duty to accommodate, and external complaint avenues. Learn as much as you can. Knowledge is power. Ground your arguments in evidence and documentation. Stick to the facts. Don’t over-exaggerate. Don’t lie. Your credibility is everything.
  • This to me personally, is so important. Following your values is the most powerful tool to be untouchable. When you align your advocacy with your values, and how you want to treat people, strength is unlimited. What is your fuel? Unfairness? Systemic oppression? Lying? Even though people may be playing dirty with you, or lying to you, navigating your advocacy with how you want to operate and interact with people can give you a sense of emotional untouchability. It’s called inner peace. And it’s priceless.

Be one with the Cheetah.
Make it hard for them.
Don’t be easy prey.
You’ve got this.

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The Use of Delay

One of the most powerful oppression tools that people use to make someone go away is DELAY.

Creating delay, ongoing, constantly extending, makes people give up like nothing else because they start to feel hopeless that anything will ever be resolved.

So…..They go away feeling tired and defeated.

Delay is like a magic wand. It sucks the life out of people. And they KNOW it.

Even outside of education and other various government systems that are dealing with people’s complaints, they systematically and strategically delay people. They make “mistakes” that extend time. Things get lost or misplaced. Filed incorrectly. People are “confused” and use that as a delay tactic. Technology problems. It is incredible how much this is used. All Intention. I have seen forms being intentionally altered to re-route a complaint to an inappropriate department. Delays work especially well for them on the most vulnerable people. Many, many times, these “mistakes” are not innocent. But most of the time, it’s so difficult to prove intent, which makes it such a powerful strategy.

Delay works like magic for them.

If you are in a position of advocacy, get ready. You will 100% be dealing with this.

You will see a variety of delay tactics. Even ones that seem positive, they can turn them into delays. The duty to consult can be used as a delay tactic, and it takes friggen forever to organize the consultation, and it just goes on and on. Multiple issues with the consultation process just keep happening. An investigation can be a delay tactic. Extending the investigation for a variety of reasons that make it look like they are doing a good job. Dealy. Waiting for you to lose interest in the outcome. It appears that things are being done.

On a systemic level, not funding systems to manage the high volume leads to delay. People will self-select themselves out of systems, wondering if their complaint is worth it or not. It alters the data and shows a decreased need.

When you are advocating, they will not respond to emails. When they do, they will tell you that they will respond next week, and then don’t. They will ask for extensions due to schedule conflicts.

The skill in the delay tactic is to make it look reasonable. How can you complain? If you do, you are the one who looks unreasonable.

Keep your eye out for delay tactics. Keep a log. Dates. What they did. Being able to connect the dots and pull everything together may be very useful one day.

So how do we combat delay? We need to be pleasantly persistent.

Sometimes you just have to ride the wave. Just be aware of what is happening. Document. You’ll learn patience like no other.

But know this. They are delaying things for a reason. The delay has a purpose. You have hit a nerve. You are onto something. They are nervous.

To Do:

  1. GO UP THE CHAIN: When you email them, give them a timeline. If you don’t get a response, go up the chain and include other people or organizations. You literally need to be politely up their butt. They need to see you and hear you. The most stubborn and patient people will most likely be successful in dealing with delay strategies.

Remember: Access delayed is access denied.

Not making a decision is still making a decision.

Being ignored is communication. Silence can be a form of violence.

If you were to give the system a human form, it would be a narcissistic person using coercive control tactics on you.

Here is a page on how to deal when schools are ignoring you.

2. FILE COMPLAINTS. A Section 11 complaint can help speed up the process, as there is a 45 day time limit. External complaints can be a way to hold them accountable. But be prepared, external complaint systems are long. There are ways to fast-track your complaint. But filing a complaint or letting them know that you will be doing so can speed up their sense of urgency. You may need to give them a reason for them want to resolve this ASAP.

3. CREATE & COMMUNICATE EVIDENCE. Document the harm and communicate the harm to the school. It will put add pressure. Especially if they think a human rights complaint could be coming down the line. They will want to limit their damage period.

4. BRING SUPPORT. By bringing in an education support person to witness all the goings-on and them knowing an extra set of eyes on them can help reduce the delay tactics. Also hiring a lawyer has kicked a district into response mode. You don’t need to hire a lawyer thought, an extra set of eyes can do the trick. Here is my education advocacy help directory.

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent the night with a mosquito.” African proverb quoted by the Dalai Lama

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker