It has been quite an interesting journey. For those who are looking to create their own healing and want a sneak peek into what may be ahead, I hope these blogs are helpful. My first one was written six months ago, titled: Life After K-12
Healing isn’t a straight line.
Since my last blog about coming to a place of healing and realizations, I have felt like I am peeling an onion. Every time I pull back one layer, another one is there. Similar theme, just different.
I have had moments where I felt I was moving backwards. I was pulled backwards recently. The anger was back. The fight. I saw them as my abusers once more. The old narrative returned. They were the ones who dragged me through 6 years of litigation. Not true. We took turns. They started it. 😉 lol. And they sent me into fight mode with all of their horribleness, and then I dragged them. Determined to get accountability and truth. Which I did. I had to pull myself out of the water again.
When asked by a parent in a social media post, how do you get accountability and heal from the trauma you experience in the education system?
Part of my response to them was:
There is a quote I saw that says, “I hope you heal from the things no one has apologized for”. In my experience, healing is something that you actively work on, and the school will unlikey be involved in your healing. This is something you/child will need to be determined to do on your own. It is work. Counselling is beneficial. And yet, healing is not a straight line. ….
Emotions for me connected to healing are around grief. We grieve the system we never had, but wanted. Forgiving people for not being perfect or for not being the people we wanted or hoped they would be.
In terms of accountability, the only path I know about is through external complaint filing. There are no guarantees. I work in the field of criminology and when people have someone sentenced in court for an offence they have committed against a loved one, they may feel closure, but it doesn’t heal them. Healing, they need to do on their own.
I hope you heal from the things no one has apologized for. 
“
I have a couple of months left of being on the board for BCEDAccess. I have been emotionally preparing for leaving. I am feeling at peace about passing the baton to such an excellent team. It just doesn’t feel like my emotional world anymore. I feel like an outsider looking in. My role needs to change. How I can still help needs to change. My view and focus are more systemic in different ways. My full-time job involves litigation and using complaint systems to elevate social justice issues. I love my day job. PATH feels like an extension of that, just in the education world. My past is mixed in with my current world. PATH doesn’t feel like work to me at all. It’s lighthouse duty. Long-term. Seed planting. Emotionally sustainable.
I have learned a lot, and the system made the mistake of giving me the grand tour. They just kept waiting, insisting it would end on their terms. It didn’t. And yet still, healing is left to be my responsibility. They are absent.
What I learned is that parents need a lot of help. These unfair systems are navigated by lawyers. They know exactly what they are doing. Parents need all the help they can get with information, and for that reason I will never shut up.
But there is hope for happiness. Optimism. Peace. I know this, because I feel it. Live it. Just as long as I am not in the same room with them.
For me, healing was only possible once K-12 was over and the fight was over.
Healing just doesn’t need time. Time alone will not get you there. Healing is an action. It’s something you do.
But it also involves boundaries. I can forgive them, but that doesn’t mean they get access to me.
Part of my journey has included writing about systemic advocacy. Which I enjoy. It will be interesting what my perspective will be 6 months from now, as I am still aware I am peeling the onion. To be continued….
Systemic Advocacy Blogs
What is “Doing” Healing?
-Healing doesn’t just happen over time. It’s something you have to be determined to do, face and work at it.
Disappointment
– Finding out how systems work can be disappointing and then freeing.
Planting Seeds
-Systemic advocacy is all about planting seeds. You’ll never truly know your impact.
Embracing Grief
-Anger is for things you can change. Grief is for things you cannot.
Suffering is Not Your Identity
– You don’t need to take on suffering as an identity to help people. It’s what you experienced and survived, but not who you are.
To see more blogs from Building Advocacy