Emails – Q & A

Emails can be stressful but they are stressful for good reason. They are very important. They are a key tool to your advocacy.

Here is a collection of information that I have either learned from other people who have been advocating in the system for a long time, have learned through research, or from life experience.

Q: How long is it reasonable to wait for an email response?

A: 5 days from someone from the district
3 days from your child’s teacher or Principal
** If it’s time sensitive and you want a faster response – put that in the email

Q: What are some writing tips?

A: Here are some tips:

Use shorter sentences.
Don’t write them a novel if you don’t have to. You want to be concise but still have the details that are needed. After you write it all out, edit it. See what you can remove and reduce. (AI can be helpful for this)
Think of emails as a tool. Quality over quantity. Sending massive amounts of emails are not going to help you. If you overwhelm them with the high volume of emails, they may limit your communication.
Use simple words. Don’t put in fancy language thinking that they will respect you more and are more likely to respond. The goal is clear communication that cannot be misunderstood or misinterpreted
Putting a request for a response date is very important as it allows you to advance up the hierarchy if they don’t respond.
Emails are not private. They can be shown to 30 different people and may end up in a tribunal hearing. Follow the expression, “Dance like no one is watching, email like it will show up in court.
Follow the format for writing an email. (see below)
Make sure you have a clear request in your email.

Q: Is there a format to follow for explaining my thoughts?

A: Yes.

I would suggest you follow this format outlined by the Family Support Institute
https://familysupportbc.com/toolkits/school-meetings-how-to-write-an-email-to-call-a-meeting/

If you are not calling a meeting, just leave that paragraph out.

To add to this format: If you are using rights-based advocacy you will want to make sure you do the following.

Clearly identify your child’s disability-related need (Their disability and their unmet need related to their disability)
Explain the harm that you are witnessing or are aware of
Tell them your child is struggling and explain how
Ask them for help

Why? Because of meaningful inquiry. Human rights protection.

Q: I get overwhelmed with emails, how should I handle this?

A: You can have a separate email address just for school communication. That way, you will only read the emails when you are ready and can have a support person with you when you go into your inbox. It also helps with organization. You can have folders for each of the people you talk to, and divide them by years. KEEP EVERYTHING. Even the positive emails can be helpful as you have evidence of what works.

Q: What should my tone be?

A: I don’t want to tone police people, but I can tell you that making accusations, assumptions into their intent, allegations not backed up with evidence, are all ways to make this more adversarial than what may benefit you. I wouldn’t recommend you send emails when you are mad. You can write them out, and then let them sit for a few hours or next day. Sleep on it. Or send it to a friend for feedback. Get an extra pair of eyes on it.

Q: Is it better to email or meet in person?

A: Emails are a very powerful form of documentation and evidence. If you are meeting in person, I highly suggest you summarize the email and send it to them. Ask them if your summary is correct and if you misunderstood anything to respond to the email. You will need email to gather your evidence.

December 20, 2025April 21, 2026

Self-Advocacy and Victim Blaming in Education

Self-Advocacy for Students in School

I have put this blog under my IEP category because this is a topic that parents deal with a lot during their IEP meetings. Teachers expect students to self-advocate during IEP meetings. Which can be really hard for kids, under that kind of pressure. They are also very eager to put self-advocacy into IEPs. I often wonder if they think this takes them off the hook, and they are less responsible for implementation. Even outside of IEP meetings, this topic of self-advocacy comes up a lot. The expectations are sometimes unrealistic, and they are creating new problems.

Self-advocacy isn’t easy, especially in an education setting, which is very authoritative, and kids are expected to fall in line.

Certain elements need to be in place to help nurture self-advocacy.

1. The student on some level needs to be accepting of their disability AND be willing to talk about it.

2. They have to be able to identify when they need help.

3. They need to identify what they need help with and have the language/a way to express it.

4. They need a trusted adult who has proved their willingness to listen to them over time.

5. They need to feel heard.

6. They need to feel that this trusted adult will believe them when they say they need help.

7. This needs to be repeated enough times and be predictable enough for the self-advocate to feel comfortable and safe to advocate for their needs.

School staff may say…..

Well _____________ happened, but if XXXX advocated for himself, this wouldn’t have happened.

The reality of the School Environment

Children, since they enter school, are socialized to believe they MUST follow authority, or something really bad is going to happen. They think they will be disappointing all the adults in their lives, and kids deep down just want to make their loved ones love them.

All they want to do is to make the adults (especially their parents but also their teachers) in their lives happy so that they will feel worthy and good about themselves. We need to look at their situation through the lens of a child.

Learning self-advocacy can take a lifetime. Adults have a hard time advocating. We need to have realistic expectations for our children. Especially when they are navigating an oppressive system, based on hierarchy and control. They live in this environment 5 days a week; we don’t. Many times, kids are expressing themselves and their needs, only to end up not being believed.

Children and teens need a safe adult to go to in schools. Someone that they know will help them when they need it. Finding that person and building that relationship can be key. If it’s not the teacher, could it be the counsellor, the case manager, the head teacher, the VP, or another teacher?

BC Human Rights Tribunal – Advocacy

We have a human rights decision on our side.

It’s easy for schools to make us think our kids share responsibility or are responsible for all of it.

Educators may have to be informed of how self-advocacy expectations have been defined by the BC Human Rights Tribunal. In Student by Parent v. School District BCHRT 237.

Remember the power of the Human Rights Code.

[90] Generally, it is the obligation of the person seeking accommodation to bring forward the relevant facts: Central Okanagan School District No. 23 v. Renaud, 1992 CanLII 81 (SCC), [1992] 2 SCR 970. This can be challenging for children, and especially challenging for children with invisible disabilities. I agree with the Parent that children who require accommodation in their school are in a different situation than adults seeking accommodation. Though they have a role to play in the process, that role will be age and ability-specific, and the burden cannot be on a child to identify and bring forward the facts necessary for their accommodation.

We Learn. They Learn.

Advocacy will always be a part of your child’s life. There will never be a time when they will not be advocating for their own needs. Ask anyone with a disability, doesn’t matter their age, and they will still be advocating for their disability-related needs.

You are modelling what advocacy looks like. When they see you advocate, they learn from you how to do it, but they also learn that they are valued enough and that they are worth the effort. A lot of the advocacy that we do they will never know about. But we often reassure them that we are talking with the school and we are advocating for them.

My kids took notice of my efforts more than I realized. It teaches them to its okay to take up space. You are worth it.

I do have to say, it is very cool to watch your children self-advocate as they grow over the years and become adults. They are always watching and learning. Children have their own timing for things. My children grew into this at different times, and they are still growing as young adults. Of course. Self-advocacy skills never stop. They evolve and grow as we grow.

There are advocacy trainings you can take. Inclusion BC, Family Support Institute and the BC PAC have advertised for advocacy development workshops, along with disability specific orgnaizations, at various times of the year.

The name of the game is learning.

We learn. They learn.

Advocacy is Context Specific

As a self-advocate, I would say my advocacy is very context-specific. My approaches vary depending on who I am talking to, in what environment and situation I am in, and even my own capacity at that moment. I don’t have a memorized statement that I just play over on repeat in situations.

The environment of the education system is a very unique environment, and I tell people, this is a different kind of chess game you are in. It requires a specific skill set and a very specific process. Learning the “rules” of the game in education advocacy will help you greatly.

Internal School Advocacy
External Complaint Avenues
5 Rules on How to be Untouchable
Liability in Education
Understanding Systemic Change
The Duty to Accommodate

BC Human Rights Tribunal Complaint Process – The Blame Game

Do not be surprised that if you file a human rights complaint, the response from the lawyers will be blaming your child for not self-advocating, and that is why the school district is not responsible for their accommodations.

It is a common chess move they make. So, just a heads up.

They will also blame you.

However…..”Parental conduct or lack of parental authority cannot be used as a justification for not meeting an exceptional student’s needs“

We do have case decisions on our side, too – regarding fierce advocacy or lack of it.

We can have respectful conversations and advocate fiercely at the exact same time. It’s not one or the other. Both parties have the expectation to collaborate in good faith as part of the accommodation process. At the same time, our advocacy conduct cannot be used against our child to deny them an equitable education.

********

L.B. v. Toronto District School Board, 2015 HRTO 1622

[77] The Interim Decision sets out my reasons for issuing an order with respect to the first two points, as follows:

(a) School boards have an obligation under the Code to accommodate their students with disabilities to the point of undue hardship, regardless of whether the students are receiving any medical treatment in the community or not;

(b) School boards cannot order or demand of parents to place their children into residential psychiatric treatment programs and cannot deny or withhold accommodations to the point of undue hardship on the grounds that the student should be in such a program. While I have no evidence to show that this was the case here, that does not alter the principle;

(c) School boards have an obligation under the Education Act to provide appropriate special education placements, programs and services to their exceptional students. Parental conduct or lack of parental authority cannot be used as a justification for not meeting an exceptional student’s needs; and

(d) I agree with the decision in R.B. v. Keewatin-Patricia District School Board, (R.B./Keewatin) 2013 HRTO 1436, an HRTO decision cited by both parties in this case, at para 265, that a parent’s “fierce advocacy” for his or her child must not and cannot prevent a school board from accommodating the child’s needs to the point of undue hardship.

December 18, 2025January 12, 2026

What is the Ask? Email Writing for School Advocacy.

Before I jump into the theme of this blog, I do want to mention that if you email someone in the district (head office) and you don’t cc: the principal, the email you send to the district will be sent to the principal of your kids’ school first. They will check in with them before they touch base with you. You might as well cc: the principal in the email anyway, and appear transparent and working in good faith.

I can’t tell you how important it is to get really good at emails. Email is a tool in your toolbox. Knowing how to write emails and who to send them to and include, will help you. For example, to decrease the chance of someone ignoring you, include more than one person in an email. For more info about emails, read Inclusion BC’s manual and Family Support Institute’s email guide.

Always remember that any email you send can be sent to anyone in the district, can be sent to their lawyers, and could end up in a hearing. Emails are not private conversations.

Ok, now back to asking.

A very common thing for people to do when advocating is that they are not clear with their ask. They spill out an emotional story and are often all over the map. (No judgement. I have sent these emails too.) Then they end their email. The reader is left wondering what you are actually asking for. Some people don’t know what they want. All is very common.

What exactly do you want?

When do you want it?

How do you want this to happen?

Putting a clear ask in an email is very important and often overlooked unless you intentionally focus on it.

At the end of every email you send, if you want the school to take action on something, you are going to need a clearly defined request.

I even suggest you explicitly state things that are time sensitive. “This is time sensitive”. There are things that you can be explicitly clear about. The clearer you are, the better, for all involved. Putting a date of when you would like to hear from them can also be helpful. “Could you please respond to me by Friday, September 26th?”

If they are ignoring you, I suggest this page. How to Deal with Schools Giving You the Silent Treatment.

Some emails, it’s unclear if you are even expecting a response, or if you’re just venting at the person or telling them off (which I don’t suggest). If you want them to respond to you, you can say something like, “I look forward to your response”, or I would greatly appreciate a response within the next 3 days.

My suggestions for an email format is:

Start off with a connecting statement. (I hope you are well/thank you for your previous email; I appreciate your follow-up/etc)
State the facts of what has happened. (facts only)
State your concerns (thoughts, feelings, opinions)
State your ask (what do you want to have happen)
End with an appreciative closing statement (I look forward to meeting with you and discussing this further/thank you for your support/etc)

.

It’s really important that we are very clear on what we are asking for. If we aren’t getting the response from the school, it could be that they aren’t clear on what we are asking for or expecting from them. You want your communication to be ridiculously clear so they can’t wiggle out of it. Even if it seems ridiculously obvious to you what you want from them, just be ridiculously clear.

Never make assumptions, and no one can read your mind.

If you child is telling you things, you need to make that clear. Johnny told me…… Do not assume that you have the whole story. Quite often, you will not. Don’t automatically accuse the teacher of what your child has told you. You will need to do some investigating and be a detective first. So, your first approach is to be curious and inquire, seeking more information. You don’t want them to be defensive and shut down on you. A carefully crafted email could get you the information you are looking for before you make decisions on how you want to resolve the situation.

Never make assumptions.

A blog I highly recommend you read and consider when engaging with education staff is the blog 5 Rules on how to be Untouchable

A mug I saw on social media that makes me laugh. “Dance like no one is watching. Email like it will be read out at a tribunal.”

December 16, 2025April 27, 2026

Let’s Talk about Hindsight!

Hindsight and Meaningful Inquiry

Want to get the school moving on providing your child supports?

Remove their hindsight defence and trigger the duty to accommodate.

Why does the school want a defence at all? To avoid a finding of discrimination if a parent was to ever bring their case to a hearing at the BC Human Rights Tribunal.

If they know we could be successful at a human rights tribunal hearing, they will be much more motivated to provide your child the supports they need NOW. This is because they want to reduce the damage period. They are always focused on reducing the scope of your complaint and minimizing the harm.

Removing their hindsight defence and triggering meaningful inquiry is key for our children.

This decision explains what the hindsight defence is.

Student by Parent v. School District BCHRT 237

[99] Next, in B v. School District, 2019 BCHRT 170, the evidence supported that the school district provided the child with the recommended supports and accommodations. The Tribunal found that it was “only with hindsight” that it was possible to say that the child could have benefited from more support: para. 81. It dismissed the complaint in part because there was insufficient evidence to demonstrate that the school district reasonably ought to have known that the child required more: para. 98. In contrast here, I have found that the District had sufficient information to trigger some kind of inquiry or response beyond asking the Student how she was doing and, assuming the counsellor did this, advising of available supports.

They may claim, “We didn’t know.” If they didn’t know your child needed more support or ought to have known they needed more support, they will escape responsibility. When they are aware, they must investigate.

So you know what that means.

Parent(s)/guardians need to be VERY communicative with the school and tell them that:

Tell them your child is struggling.
Tell them your child’s struggle is connected to school.
Explain how your child is struggling.
- Are they crying at home?
- Are they refusing to attend?
- Are they melting down after school?
- Do you have examples of homework or school work to show them as evidence?
Explain how their struggle is connected to their disability.

So, we need to start this off in an email. We need to document it.

Whether they respond to the emails we send is another blog. But we need to build evidence that they were VERY aware, in case they think they can claim they didn’t know. It’s amazing how the defence of “oh we didn’t know, oh I was confused, oh I think we had a misunderstanding, I didn’t realize that…”. We need to be so crystal clear that we don’t give them any wiggle room to say “we didn’t know”.

Human Rights Decisions – Education

There are two human rights decisions that, when put together, are powerful. Both parents self-represented themselves at the BC Human Rights Tribunal.

They must investigate when we tell them our child is struggling. – Meaningful inquiry.

Student by Parent v. School District BCHRT 237

[100] In short, I agree with the District that the Parent and Student were obliged to bring forward information relating to accommodation. The Parent did that, when she communicated that the Student had anxiety and trichotillomania and that school was taking a significant toll on her physical and mental health. That information should have been enough to prompt a meaningful inquiry by the school to identify what was triggering the Student’s symptoms and what supports or accommodations may be appropriate to ensure she was able to meaningfully and equitably access her education. The failure to take that step was, in my view, not reasonable. As a result, the disability-related impacts on the Student, arising from conditions in her Language 10 class between April 24 and June 27, 2019, have not been justified and violate s. 8 of the Human Rights Code.

[104] In sum, I have found that the conditions in the Student’s grade 8 Language 10 class exacerbated the Student’s anxiety and trichotillomania, and that the District failed to take reasonable steps to investigate and address those conditions during the period between April 24, 2019, and June 27, 2019 (the last day of school). I find this is a violation of s. 8 of the Human Rights Code, and warrants a remedy, which I address below.

They aren’t allowed to give up when things aren’t working well. They must review and adapt their approaches.

X by Y v. Board of Education of School District No. Z, 2024 BCHRT 72

[120] Ultimately, on a balance of probabilities, I am satisfied that the District discharged its duty to accommodate X in his grade 2 year by reviewing the Diagnosis Report, developing an IEP, making various support people and strategies available that were incorporated into the classroom and outside, reviewing progress and changes, and adapting its approach in response……

Meaningful Inquiry – Duty to Accommodate

By communicating that our child is struggling, we will trigger MEANINGFUL INQUIRY. You are triggering the duty to accommodate.

It is very

very

very important that we are communicating with them. This is how we block a hindsight defence.

Schools are increasingly not wanting to put communication in emails, and instead, they want phone calls or meetings. They may say that it is easier to resolve issues through communicating in person/phone. That may be true. But it is not lost on us that it also doesn’t create any documentation.

But that doesn’t stop us from sending emails to create a paper trail and document what is happening. You can create a summary of the minute and put in the email, “Please let me know if I have misunderstood anything or if you need to clarify anything I have written.”

So send those emails. cc: the main people responsible. Principals and LSS teachers for IEP implementation. Each person you cc: in an email could be a potential witness in a hearing.

Just keep sending those emails and create that paper trail. Communicating is part of the collaboration process in the duty to accommodate. So, you are just fulfilling your responsibility in the process.

Any diagnosis you have received from a doctor, even if it didn’t come from a psychoeducational assessment, I suggest you have the doctor write a letter and ask the school to put it in your child’s file. Also, you may want to ask them how this is going to be communicated out to the staff, so they are aware. Anything you can do to provide documentation on a diagnosis locks them into the duty to accommodate.

Blogs on Creating a Document Trail

Documentation
Improper Conduct – Hiding Disclosure – What documents to ask for
Why is Documentation so Important?
Evidence of Harm. Effective advocacy in Education
How to Gather Evidence

Blogs on How to Communicate with the School

Communication
What is the Ask? Email writing for School Advocacy
5 Rules on how to be Untouchable
The Use of Delay
Defamation. You Said What?
Liability in Education
Email Q & A
How to Gather Evidence
Strong Advocacy = Written Authority